Save Our Species – S.O.S.

Self Acceptance October 18, 2008

It’s been an interesting time for me coming back to the blog world after a few months away. How I’ve missed reading other peoples material and the way it stimulates my brain, setting thoughts in motion which take me to places I wouldn’t  have arrived at by myself. This time I am grateful to my friend Amber for her article Irony in Duality.

The way Amber openly discusses both her disabilities and her special gifts had a profound effect on me. Whilst reading the article and consciously appreciating Ambers openness, honesty and her willingness to share herself selflessly with the world, I noticed a growing sense of discomfort with what she was sharing. When I looked inside myself to find out why I was experiencing negative feelings, I realised that I was making several judgments about what she was saying. Awareness of these judgments set in motion a whole chain of self realisations for which I am grateful to Amber for.

I was irritated by Ambers ability to speak so freely about how special she is and what gifts the universe has bestowed upon her. I  also found myself increasingly irritated by the way she discusses her illness and disabilities so publicly. This is of course nothing to with Amber  but everything to do with the way I see myself and the world. The way I have been brought up as a true English gentleman is not to shout too loudly about my gifts and abilities. Heaven forbid if we should upset someone not as fortunate as we are, some poor soul who might think we were simply showing off what we’ve got to rub their nose in the fact they don’t have it! Almost worse than that, we should always keep a stiff upper lip – a true gentleman never makes a fuss about their problems in public – it’s just not cricket now, is it? Just grin and bear it old chap!

The more I thought about it the more I saw that I was irritated not with Amber but with myself. I saw reflected in Ambers openness and honesty the opposite of my own cowardice. It showed me that I didn’t have  the balls to walk up to the plate and take my place in the world by running the risk of admitting who I really am. After all, if I don’t admit who I am, no one can really judge me can they? They might have judgments about the persona I put out there, but thats not the real me, so my ego is protected and safe.

It’s time for me to bite the bullet, follow Ambers example, come clean, admit and own both my strengths and weaknesses. So here goes …